From the past few months—starting in October 2026—something changed.

Everything is going fine. You’re packing your stuff, giving farewell parties to friends who made this shitty place amazing, and you’re looking forward to moving to a new city of dreams.

But then, in the next moment, someone reflects their perspective about you in a negative way.And strangely, you think it might actually be good for you.

How?

Because it helps you understand when you might be making other people uncomfortable. You start noticing your negative traits—your so-called “true self.”

This is how I began to understand my traits and reflect on things. And for a while, I even agreed: maybe I am the one who is not good.

But that wasn’t the truth.

I went from being a total extrovert—friendly, helpful, talkative, a music lover, someone who finds fun in everything—

to becoming almost the opposite: a total introvert, someone who thinks twice before helping others, a quiet person, someone who stopped enjoying music, and someone who simply follows a routine.

So where does trauma come into this?

I have been reading a lot about this, and I came across an idea called the “mirror of others.”

Charles Horton Cooley called this the “looking-glass self.” The idea is simple but powerful:

1. We imagine how we appear to others.
2. We imagine their judgment of us.
3. We develop feelings about ourselves based on that imagined judgment.

So when someone reflects something negative about you, your mind may treat it as a mirror of truth rather than just one perspective among many.

TL;DR: One person’s criticism can sometimes give insight into behavior, but it rarely justifies rewriting your entire identity.

But then the real question appears:Is this really trauma? Or is it just how my brain processes feedback?

When people hear the word “trauma,” they often imagine war, violence, or major disasters.

But trauma occurs when an experience overwhelms the mind’s ability to process it normally. The event itself may seem small to outsiders, but internally it disrupts a person’s identity or sense of security.

So trauma isn’t defined only by the event itself—it’s defined by how deeply it alters one’s inner world.

So how can I trust myself again?

One way to look at it is this: there is a difference between learning from criticism and reconstructing your entire identity around it.

That same perspective you saw—one that had its own drawbacks—needs to be refactored.

Clarify things with your mind, which is stuck in a feedback loop. Instead of focusing only on the negative side, try to redirect your thoughts toward the positive aspects of the situation.

I know it seems hard. And it is hard.

Rewriting a mind that feels “hard-coded” to think a certain way is difficult.

I am giving myself time with this topic, because lately I have been doing things that are not making me happy.

I am simply trying to explore options—like forgiveness or communication. These things need work, but I believe they will happen.

Once again, I’m sharing one of my deepest regrets and learnings with you.A promise is a promise.

Best Regards / M.F.G.

Dheirya (Dee)